The Will to Survive
by rosecoloredlens
Summary: Katniss and Prim have been on the streets ever since their mother was taken away and the social services had tried to separate them. Katniss is fighting a losing battle to feed herself and Prim and one night Katniss makes a drastic choice that can not be taken back once it is done. Can anyone help give her hope? M for adult themes.
1. Prologue

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**I do NOT own the Hunger Games.**

Prologue:

Numbness. That was all I could feel at this point. I no longer felt the hunger, the pain, the cold, the despair…and as much as I know I should have I no longer had the capacity to think of anything besides the numbness that before had only threatened to consume me, never fully capturing me until today. The pouring rain in the cold no longer registered as I lay in the wet smelly alley somewhere in district 12.

I had gotten food to her today right? Surely I must have, my actions were becoming robotic and automatic, but I must have at some point, right? As this thought began to regisgter I made myself stir. I began to look around as if Prim would be right beside me to give me answers, instead of the safe place I hid her during the day while I tried to find food for us. Even if the hunger would finally take me today I wanted to be sure that Prim was at least fed something so she would not face the same fate.

As I looked around me buildings seemed to be blurry, in a haze of exhaustion and hunger and despair. How long had it been since I had eaten? Days are meaningless once you no longer feel the hunger. It had been more than three at least, but it had been even longer since the food came from somewhere else besides the garbage bins around town. As I continued to look around desperately searching through the haze one building came into focus. Well, not exactly a building but a house, while it may not hold promise to others I knew who lived there. But was I desperate enough to go there? Would I rather risk being arrested if I was rejected? Was I willing to face the price of going there? Or if I did not go I risked not being able to feed Prim. I contemplated this for a while and then found the will to stand and start stumbling my way to the house.

_For Prim_

Each footstep seemed to be more painful than the last, going up the few steps to that house seemed to drain more energy from me than I knew I had. The only thought that allowed me to take each step was thinking of being able to feed Prim for at least another few meals; to ensure us being together for one more day.

_For Prim_

_For Food_

I stepped up to the porch and noted that I was not alone on the porch I saw two other women there, no one made eye contact with me. We all knew what standing on the steps to Peacekeeper Cray's house meant, what drove this action. I was resigned to the fact that since this was my first time here, the odds of me being selected was higher than these other ladies.

Well at least for once, the odds were in my favor.

_For Prim_

_For Food_

_For Prim_

Over the sound of rainfall I became aware of two things. The sound of a lock turning at the front door, signaling Cray making his way to see who had come to his house needing money for the price of an evening with him. The second thing was more footsteps coming up the porch. Something was off about these steps though, they were more hurried, not like a dejected woman, they sounded determined or even desperate.

Nervousness began to consume me and my resolve began to waver as I heard the doorknob begin to turn.

_For Prim _

_For Food _

_For a Future_

_For Prim_

I would not let my fear show I decided. I turned my face towards the door to face my fate determinately, the same time that I felt a hand grab my arm.

I whirled around startled and frightened, expecting to find a different peacekeeper that had recognized me and was here to arrest me, but instead was met by blue eyes that were horrified, desperate, and pleading.

"Please don't, Katniss" Peeta Mellark pleaded softly as he stared at me with those crystal eyes full of compassion and sorrow. "Don't do it."


	2. Chapter 1

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Chapter 1

Another day. I opened my eyes as sunlight begins to make an appearance through the window of my bedroom. I turn slightly in bed and feel my little sister Prim next to me. She looks almost peaceful which would be expected for a 9 year old, but not for my sister. She has been through more recently than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime.

I look at her pale blonde hair that has fanned around her head throughout the night on the thin pillow she sleeps on. She looks so similar to my mother from her blonde hair to her blue eyes, unlike me with my grey eyes and dark brown hair just like my… And just like that my mood sinks down and the sadness that I have been fighting to keep at bay for months washes over me again. It has been almost eight months since the mining explosion that killed my father along with several other miners. It has been almost eight months since my mother has looked me in the eyes.

Ever since my father died my mother has gone into shock, she has not spoken, or even fed herself since he died, much less taken care of us. Losing my dad was too much for her to handle, this is one of the reasons that I vowed to never fall in love or have a family after my father died. Prim and I now take turns caring for her, from feeding her to changing her.

I push myself out of bed as quietly as possible on the creaky bedframe covered by a thin mattress so that Prim can get a few more minutes of the sleep that has been so hard for us to come by since our fathers death, sleep is normally plagued by nightmares of explosions and reliving the day my father died again and again.

I head into the kitchen and look in the cabinets for food to make some breakfast. Today will need to be a food-scavenging day, there is barely enough grain to get through todays meals if we don't eat much. I quickly make some oatmeal and then go to wake up Prim.

"Come on Little Duck, time to get up." I whisper softly to her as I rub her shoulder gently.

I see her start to stir and then see her blue eyes become visible behind her heavy lids. She rubs her eyes and sits up. "Good morning Katniss." She says softly.

"I made breakfast, I'll take care of mom while you eat." I get off of the bed and make my way to the kitchen to grab a bowl of oatmeal before heading into my mother's bedroom. I wake her, change her clothes and attempt to feed her as much breakfast as possible before eating my small share of oatmeal in the kitchen.

I help Prim dress for the day and give her the rest of the oatmeal for her lunch at school and walk her to the edge of the seam.

"I'll pick you up from school Prim, you be good today ok?" I smile kindly at her.

"You aren't going to school today?" Prim looks at me confusedly.

"Nope I'm going to get us some food," I reply trying to sound as cheerful as possible, "but I'll still be there to pick you up right after school."

Prim gives me one last long glance before walking with the other seam kids towards school. I reach into my pocket and feel for the few coins I have to spend today, and I try not to think about how few coins are left from the measly compensation our family received after our father died. I turn and start to walk towards the Hob to buy enough food to get us through the next few days. I can only really buy herbs, some fruit, and grain with the little money we have, but it lasts longer than other foods would. I also grab a few other essentials before heading back to the house to take care of mom some more.

I keep my head down as I walk through town, while this is definitely not my first time skipping school to take care of my mom and the house; the slight fear of being caught by peacekeepers is still there. While missing school once is not a big deal, missing multiple days could make the peacekeepers suspicious and could cause someone to investigate and take me and Prim away to protective services where we would surely be separated. Sometimes the risk is necessary however, I already skip lunch at school so that Prim can eat. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's Prim having to go without food.

School has become more of a nuisance as time goes on however. I have very few friends; actually I only have one friend named Madge. Her father is the mayor of District 12 and she has been very nice to me since my dad died and has sat with me at lunch ever since then. Sometimes she even shares her lunch with me when I feel especially hungry. I also notice that every now and then someone puts a lunch bag in my locker, I assume this is Madge's doing but the first day she curiously asked me what I had for lunch, so I assumed she didn't want to acknowledge what she did for me, and I complied. My lack of friends combined with the fact that while I'm there I am constantly worrying about what my family is going to eat that night, or if my mom needs me.

I make my way back to the house and check on mom and talk to her for a little while, I don't know if she can even hear me but there is always a small amount of hope that she will look at me and start to recover, but as the months have passed that hope inside me has faded to a miniscule size. I stock all of the food and begin to clean the house, dusting and sweeping the floor. I try to feed mom with some of the fruit but she simply continues to sit unresponsively in bed where I left her only having a few bites of the fruit, not that this is a surprise.

I've just put the food and cleaning supplies away when there is a knock at the front door. No one ever visits the house. My heart immediately begins to pound in my chest. I peek through the curtains in a side window to see my worst fears confirmed. I see a white peacekeeper in uniform standing by the door, and standing behind the peacekeeper is a stern looking older woman, dressed too nicely to work anywhere but in the District 12 Center. My heart sinks to my stomach as I realize my worst fears are coming true, my absence from school has become too much for officials to ignore any longer and they are here to investigate.


End file.
